And that I ain't got the priviledge to do that nor do I have the desire to do that. I'm a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and so much more. I'm attached to this world - very attached and I ain't letting go of that. So how do I better live into this experience that's been blessed upon me? Letting go - in this case, that's mean making lists just so I can free up space in my mind and soul so the spirit has more jiggle space. Sounds simple but in my case, it isn't.
I'm scatterbrained - perhaps a tad ADHD. I can't seem to stay focused on one project. I can only stay focused if I physically stop moving. The main reason I'm getting this blog posted is because I'm attached to the computer to make this happen. If I start moving, I get distracted by the things I see along the way and lose focus - there's that HUGE pile of laundry to be folded, the floors need to be mopped, I'm getting hungry and so on and so on. So I'll focus now and make today's blog make sense. LISTS.....
Lists are useful because they help you organize. I mean, there are companies that develop materials to help you make lists. I remember the Franklin Planners which are sophisticated, fancy tools to help you get organized but really. There are expensive, complicated computer programs for this. In the end, it comes down to you. It won't matter what tools are at hand - only you can make your lists.
When I'm organized - as I am nowadays, I carry around a notebook where I jot down reminders. When I'm in a rush and just need to get it out of my head, I grab whatever is around me - scrap paper, my phone, anything to document what is so important to me and I'm so afraid I'll forget.
There are gaggles of lists I keep. (Yet another list. Really? How silly. A list of lists?)
- Blog ideas
- Things to do
- Things to do just for the boys
- Trader Joe's
- Costco
- Fairway
- Shoprite (you have to cover the multiple stores since each one has something in particular you know you want from there)
- Target
- Calendar (that's really simply a list of appointments - your daily life)
- Contacts
- Class List
- Camp List
- Prayers of the People (this is in our church bulletin every week - this is where I finally let go of Z)
I have more but don't want to bore you (or me). It would probably overwhelm me to really think about how many lists I have - both written and unwritten.
Lists are both good and bad.
They are useful as reminders. In our modern world, there's so much to keep track of and only so much space in our brains. Soooo grateful for lists to free up space in my limited memory. A friend recently posted how she was regretted not making a list for Costco - ended up spending waaay too much money but when I asked her about it, seemed like she made the right purchases, wasn't planning on returning anything. Probably forgot something. I do that all the time and that's why lists are important to me. I would forget the important stuff and become distracted by the more interesting, amusing, fun stuff.
But lists can be bad if you let them limit you. Our world and universe is a vast, wide place to be explored. That's why it's out there.
I make schedules so I have tight control of my life, but this past week, I let things go and become what they be. Those who know me well will be surprised to know that I have let schedules be a lot more fluid. It doesn't mean that I forgot to wash the boys' camp shirts for picture day yesterday but I became less rigid and let things flow. Each day this past week really took shape on their own. I only stressed about the necessities - the rest? I let happen as they happened. I actually allowed the wind to blow me where it felt right. Sure, I could've gotten annoyed when a friend had to bail on hanging with me yesterday. But it was for a very good reason on her end, her grandmother whom she hadn't seen in a while dropped by unexpectedly. How could I feel bad? I could've been annoyed that I "lost" out on her company and the time we had together, the time with her I craved. But I flowed with it. It was actually good that I was alone - I believe God made things happen the way they did yesterday because She was reminding me to spend time with her and me - She needed time with me.
All these lists fall under 3 simple categories for me:
- Need - These are vital necessities such as breathing, eating, taking care of my body.
- Want - This netbook is the latest want that I fulfilled. Not necessary since I could have waited for my desktop to be fixed.
- Get what you get - Sometimes these don't make sense and are usually a combination of the 2 above. Z is my child who I certainly didn't want. All parents want their children to be healthy and "normal" (whatever that may be). Z was my special needs child which is what I needed. Through him, I learned that the world and universe are much more beautiful and amazing than I imagined in my wildest dream. Without him in my life, I would've never gotten to that place.
It is the Get what you get list that makes the most impact in your life. Those experiences are the ones that are most transformative because they're a mystery. A puzzle to be put together so the experience makes sense.
Each day is a combination of these 3 lists. So now that I got to do what I want - post my blog. I'm going to go do what I need to do - laundry, yuck. So that I can get what I get.
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