A Letter to God - 1st "real" Blog dated 7.3.10

I never testify. Yeah, I went to seminary and studied God and all - you'd figure I'd be wearing my faiith on my sleeve but I think it's because of seminary, it's taken me this long to figure out what my faith really is. I have never shared my faith as I'm going to share with you today. But it's time. I have been transformed.

These past 10 days have been the most intense, strange and awesome period of my life - as most of you saw on my posts. Some of you even reached out worried and concerned. Don't. All is good because God is good.

It feels like I've lived a lifetime in less than 2 weeks. I have done, seen, gone to, heard and said things I never knew was out there. It's been intense, the least to say. As good as the book called my life is, I'm hoping this chapter comes to an end soon. I've lost sleep, my appetite - just those life sustaining necessities while gaining new amazing life experiences. I'd never trade away this chapter for anything and am blessed to have experienced what I experienced. But I know what I really crave right now - a little less drama for a little more blah. Wanna go back to being the full-time stay at home mom and wife which sounds soooo good right now.

Not all of you are believers and that's ok. Just want to share this letter because it's me. I am shamelessly, completely opening myself up to you.

The best way to share what's been happening is to write a letter to God and so here it goes...

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Dear God,

I thought I knew you but I really didn't. It's only in the last 10 days, you revealed yourself to me. You knew it was time and I was ready. You're everything I learned - wise, good, patient, clever, hilarious, and sooooo much more. Thank you. Thank you for everything.

You were there when I was driving down a dark road in the middle of the night - no lights on the road, rain splattering, fog misting all around us, and Melissa Etheridge blasting on the car stereo. You were there in that intensely cool and amazing experience.

You were there when I watched my boys execute TaeKwonDo patterns for a friend by the river. Their bodies moving in sync, perfect rhythm with each other as brothers should - so beautiful, so elegant. My heart was going to burst.

You were there when we were making bubbles last night for the first time in a long time. Recapturing the early years when we were so innocent, unconditionally kind, full of joy, so many good things, and reminding us to never lose those qualities.

You were there when I was in stitches watching a grown man (who thinks he's a kool kat) smoking a blue cigarette. Doubled over, tears rolling down my face was exactly what I needed when I was about to completely break down, at my lowest during this period.

You were there when I opened a chain email reminding us that you are always there, no matter what. I despise chain letters and emails and never forward them but the one who needed it was standing next me, needing it badly. And she read it and cried. I hope it comforted her.

You bought new friends to me under unusual circumstances - some of them under what would usually be too awkward.

You put me in touch with old friends I had neglected or forgotten.

You bought words to my lips to be a better friend and confidante.

You gave me courage and strength to put people in their places.

You found me parking spaces.

You made everything fit into a neat schedule. Opened up time when I needed time to do what I was being called to do.

You gave D and me renewed passion for each other that verified how deep our love really is for each other.

You gave me water when I was thirsty. After K and Z polished off my cup of water, K turned and said in the sweetest voice, "Mommy, I'll get you more water."

You gave me strength when I thought I was about to fall on my face.

You transformed my parents. My mother called to say that she and my dad wanted to celebrate D's 50th birthday and our 10th wedding anniversary. I was dumbfounded and knew it was only you who changed their hearts. My parents who rejected D and our union, my father who didn't come to my wedding - remembered that this was our 10th year married!!!! And now it's them who wants to celebrate D's and my life together in a big way. Wow.

You gave us the moon, stars, trees, sun and wonders of nature that I have a new appreciation for.

You gave my soulmate courage and strength to do the scariest thing ever. She did it and it turned out great. Continue to be with her on this journey - it's going to be rough but with you by her side, all will be good.

Most importantly, you chose me to be one of your children - transforming me so I could be an agent of transformation. I hope I've done you right.

God, this morning you showed me my future and dang it!! It looks bright. So bright I felt the light in my chest. Thank you.

Thank you. I love you. Thank you.

Love,
Jeannie