Alone

I went alone to a Melissa Etheridge concert.  Kind of pathetic, huh?  Yeah, you can think that.  It's OK.

I really did try to get someone to go with me.  I do have friends - but it was 4 hours before the concert when I found out she was performing just 20 blocks from me at the United Palace Theatre.  How perfect.  So close.  So I tried to figure this out but it wasn't meant to be - one was sick, another too busy, another working, another too broke and so on.  I'd been waiting for a chance to see Melissa perform - tried to see her in Atlantic City last year but that didn't work out when I couldn't find someone to go with me and I didn't want to go alone.  This was it and I HAD to go. Alas, I had to come to grips with the fact finding someone to go with me wasn't going to happen.  And you know what? Going alone was meant to be.  It was special.

Of course, I felt kind of foolish going by myself.  I mean, it seems kind of loser-ish to be going  to a concert alone.  Nothing wrong with alone time - it's actually recommended and required for a healthy soul and body.  But not a concert.  That's just plain uncool.  This changed for me.

The biggest impact of not having anyone with me was that I was left with just me with no immediate human distraction, no one to directly interact with.  I was alone.  I, and I alone was determining how to be - my interaction with the music was purely me.  I didn't have to think about what my friend was thinking, doing, or saying.  I didn't need to be aware of her/his vibes, moods, needs.  The truth of relationships - friends, lovers, family - is that we are affected by their presence and that's part of the relationship.  But at this concert I did things when I felt like - dance, sing, sit, stand, clap - sometimes out of sync with those around me but that was cool because I didn't know them and could care less what they thought of what I was doing.  It was freeing to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do them.

Being alone at the concert revealed to me how to be more utterly, shamelessly, completely me.

Being alone in a packed theatre made me very aware how unique an individual I am in  the midst of sea of humanity.  Melissa Etheridge is amazing - she bought together hundreds of people.  She does that all the time. The only sure things that I had in common with the strangers around me was our love for her and her music, and our humanity.  Beyond that each one of was unique.  The variety is mind boggling when you think about it.  And it took going to a concert alone to remind me of this.  I knew it but I needed the reminder.

So going alone was amazing.  Transformative, beautiful and special.  I can't wait to go alone again.  Just where and when is the mystery.  Just can't wait.